The January Transfer window opened, the Transfer window closed. Exorbitant fees, vast, obscene amounts of money being thrown around… and here at Moderns we are not exempt.
Rumour has it a high value offer of 17/6 was bid for Turbo, causing the Club Chairperson to issue the following statement
“Bora Da. Look you there lovely boyos… we here at Moderns, isn’t it, will not be held to ransom like this mind… We will not spend that sort of hard earned cash to get rid of the old fool. Let him knick Straughney’s bus pass like wot he did last time he got too drunk to drive home isn’t it? There’s lovely.
Now what was the score last Friday night?”
So stuck with the Old Fool we ran out ahead of the Bridgford team to warm up –
Now there is a first!!!!
They had 12 players, most of them Centres, Mods had 14… but as our wingers were Ady & ‘Hands’ Davis it was felt this more than compensated and in fact left us at a disadvantage if we were actually expected to run AND pass.
The Scrim, as the Captain gave a rousing speech which left everyone searching for hankies to cry in to, Wills to sign, razor blades to end it all….
But we roused ourselves to play one last game.
Uncontested scrums so a bit of running to do.
As neither side had bothered to warm up, it was pot-luck for the first few minutes with no-one really wanting to control the game, all a bit lazy and feckless – very Mexican. Eventually Feasey, fresh from being [sensibly] dropped by the County Vets Team started to run and pass which became contagious and allowed DamoS to run a try in. Scrim missed the conversion – at last giving us something to laugh about.
The Lineouts were awesome – on average ALL HelmsGarth’s throws were dead centre – unfortunately half went one way, half the other (How is it possible to hit the opposition scrum half, 4 metres away into a gale force wind?)
Bridgford proved they had lots of young, fit backs by running in a try, though Semi.I.E.Damo destroyed their winger to save another – didn’t do himself any good but “no sense – no feeling”
DaveJR.Ivermy straightened (as if) his shoulder pads and ran his usual immaculate psychedelic lines, Big Jim screamed about Colluden, Bannockburn & Haggies (dunno – couldn’t understand a word!!) and Feasey jogged through a huge gap to score a try – which he converted.
On the stroke of Half time Stewie refused to go down (or pass to Mick – wise choice) and carried 4 Bridgford lads with him over the line to score in the corner.
Feasey’s attempted kick landed somewhere behind him – stiff breeze.
Half Time
Mods Disparate Enmity 24 -v- 5 Bread & Lard Island
Second half with the wind behind us it was ALL in Bridgford’s half. A brief sojourn whilst various Bridgford lads were swapped with their 2nd team but no change in the one way traffic. Kieran raced through to score, followed by Feasey (again), Dave Waters was too much for their defence to handle, Herbie’s uberKater was too much for any of us to handle, Nige (I have got my boots on the correct feet – I’ve always run like this) Davis proved (repeatedly) that the ball was too much to handle, Ady didn’t want to be there (repeatedly)………… and then catas…. Catrohp.. catrstrph…
Bad things happened and Pete the Ref (enjoying a peaceful, good natured afternoon without “the Harry's”) popped his hamstring…. And Turbo was wheeled out and given the whistle (pssst … word of advice - blow through the narrow end).
Down to 13 players, this allowed Mods to gain even more of an advantage with Kieran and Feasey scoring further tries – drop kick conversions and whilst Bridgford did score a try it was no longer a contest.
Uncontested Scrum and now uncontested three quarters. Nothing more in the game.
Early final whistle to allow everyone go in and enjoy Feasey buying a JUG for his Hat Trick.
Fastest move of the Day – Feasey bolting home so no Jug – cheapskate.
Man of the Match
Turbo - who was outstandingly mediocre in an extraordinarily mediocre game |