Ilkeston 4 Away

Bora Da. Look you, there’s lovely boys… Jeff The Chair here.
As we are all aware, over winter, several sports have had issues with ‘unpleasantries’ isn’t it?… and we here at Moderns are not immune. A senior player was recently heard telling jokes about an Englishman, a Scotchman and an Irishman………
THIS IS BLANTANT RACISM!!!
In future THE WELSH must be considered as jokes under all circumstances otherwise serious consequences will follow, isn’t it, look you, lava bread, Brains SA etc…
Now where did that fat, old, English, slaphead, dwarf, Vet hide my favourite inflatable sheep?

A cold, crisp day and most of the lads were looking forward to a run out against Melton, shame the Unco-ordinator hadn’t bothered to tell us it was at Ilkeston – still, the jungle telegraph got us all there eventually and with 22 players we were spoiled for choice.
Ilkeston were big lads, very physical (when are they ever otherwise?) and undefeated all season so when Tom stepped up as Flyhalf “my Daddy’s in charge and I want to kick the ball” to start the game, the packs of Forwards got stuck into each other big time.
Ilkeston were happy to rumble, whilst Mods were trying to run.
Contrasting styles, really good spirit.
Back and forth for a while with Will on the wing getting told to run with his feet on the ground(!) and TheScrim having the offside rule explained to him by The Ref using the back of a 10/- note. WorldCup Nick chipped a ball way out wide and this time Will pogo’ed in to score – ably assisted by Nick running the line.
More of the same, both sets of Forwards were working overtime, Ilkeston getting the nudge on in the scrums but Mods Three’s having the edge out wide.
A typical JB try from a rubbish lineout, diving in under their fullback to score.
Then Ilkeston retaliated, a missed tackle and a man over allowed their No.10 to nip in under the sticks, (high sixes all round), followed by another try after a bit of sloppy play.
A penalty from Tom and a race for the line from Matt the Left Wing Accountant (kerchinggg) got our noses in front again.

Half Time Il’sun 4thXV 15 -v- 18 Mods Undevelopment XV

Second half and Il’sun raised their game relying on their big lads to punch in and score a couple more tries. Mods responded, ‘nearly-middle-aged’ MattMon galloped forward, Shaun limped in to nick the ball off anyone threatening in midfield … and slowly the tide turned once more - as Ilkeston’s big lads tired, Mods got a stranglehold on the match. Scrumbannfurher Don was directing the Forwards (who listened for a change), Jaco got his white, neatly ironed shorts dirty (his Mummy wont be happy) and Adam looked very warm and cosy in his big coat on the touchline. Newcomer Nev played his heart out – he’s a Paratrooper, broken nose, loads of attitude and absolutely no sense of direction, his bursts off the back of the scrum were outstanding but which way would he charge? - even Dave-I’m-in-charge-Ivermy was confused!!
It was good of Ed & Bloodgate to turn up for the fifth quarter, Ed taking a magnificent over the top kick to score, then with Ady (really good guy – shame about his name) feeding Turbo, who decided to Boss the 12 channel (where is Stuart Lancaster when you need him?), drew his defender and with a little jinx and flick of the wrist sent a bullet pass 40 or 50 metres out to DamoS who was about 3 yards away, and along the line to Ed again who nearly panicked when he realised that he was 3 metres from the try line and several burly defenders were running towards him, but after stopping to ask directions, he dobbed it down – 2 tries in 5 minutes!!!
Tom also dived in to score after more pressure in Il’sun’s 22 – his Daddy will be pleased.
SemiI.E.Damo pulverised anyone taller than him – which accounted for every opposition player …and The Ref…. a couple of spectator… a dog walker…. and one or two toddlers.
JonnyW and Coley were unsung heroes – hard work in midfield ALL afternoon and loads of tough, solid graft at the breakdown.

Great game to play in and watch, the lead changed hands several times, lots of controlled aggression, clear decisive Reffing - who wouldn’t take ‘lip’ from anyone (can you imagine if Ivan & Harry had been playing? groannnn)

Man of the Match; JB – this decision was reached only after an investigation into allegations of bribery and the promise of sexual favours, all of which were confirmed
– thank goodness!!