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Matlock 10's & Beer Festival

                                                                                    Saturday 16^th August 2008

After leaving the Wilford Ground early we enjoyed a scenic drive, travelling through South Notts, South Derbyshire, Warwickshire, parts of Yorkshire, Derby (avoiding the BNP at Belper) and after inspecting the facilities in Matlock we all eventually arrived at the picturesque home of Matlock Rugby Club – in Cromford.

A cunning ploy which appears to have defeated a rival team (Melbourne) who never even found the ground.

The Group Games

Our first game was against Paviors.

This was a close fought game with both teams working hard for every scrap of possession and Damian enjoying some deep meaningful conversations with the Ref – who objected to being called ‘Love'. The inspirational teamtalk at half time had the desired effect and in the true Corinthian spirit of the game we were narrowly beaten by a wide margin.

(Apparently Paviors sulk if they don't win their first game!!)

The Second game was an entirely different proposition against Belper.

Our Fly Half – Piers – played his heart out, running, passing and earning himself ‘Man of the Match'. Unfortunately the opposition were able to string a few lucky passes together, gain the benefit of some ‘50-50' calls from the Ref (who refused to listen to James – our dynamic and vocal Scrummy's advise) and went on to scrape a squeaky win .

We felt hard done by.

And so to the Crunch game. Matlock B.

We fortified ourselves with Burgers and freebie Red Bulls – apparently Jez can fit 5 cans in each pocket of his shorts – What is ‘Cash Back'?

With our senior second rower ignoring the hoards of young girlie groupies watching from the sideline we, as a team, smashed into the opposition, we crushed their fighting spirit, we destroyed their will to play, we drove, rucked, mauled and occasionally remembered what we had been taught on Training Evenings allowing us to score a resounding draw over the opposition.

Magnificent

The Plate

Fully fit, our confidence levels soaring we approached our first knockout game with absolute confidence.

This game was NEVER in doubt. We had the men. We had the training. We were never ever going to be beaten.

We were awesome – rumours of an England call up for Jim, Richie and Damien (who was still managing to upset The Ref - Claire -nice girl) were echoing all across the park. Eat your heart out Martin Johnson.

Melbourne hadn't turned up. This was truly a Bye to remember.

Semi Final

One last, superhuman effort and we would be in The Final.

Mellish were lucky.

They fluked a few almost forward passes, ran some very nearly offside lines, rucked and mauled whilst the Ref was admiring the scenery and despite the efforts of a sympathetic and very handsome, intelligent, young looking Linesman, we lost by the slenderest of margins.

MELLISH went on to win the Plate. WELL DONE THEM.

Beer Festival

Strangely enough this was a subdued affair with confusion over the new offside laws (you couldn't buy a drink, you bought tickets which were bartered for food & beer). Queer folks these Derbyshire lads, though many of the Girls seemed pretty game.

We all tried on our Tshirts – Austin's being rather snug (his was a ‘small') and watched the Cup Final.

MATLOCK ‘A' were brilliant, apparently their spies had studied Chubby's tactics in our Melbourne Game, allowing them to play the wide All Black defence, with the narrow Springbok attack and the ‘Give it the Piers – he'll step and run though ‘em' game plan.

Heavy metal was the order of the day for the drive home with Jez yodelling completely different songs to what the E-pod was playing. Very strange, still - never a mention of ‘Cash Back' whatever that is, which was a relief.

Great Day. Great bunch of lads – you should have been there. Shame about the result – WE WAS ROBBED

                                                                                                            … but next year…

Your friendly neighbourhood, all action correspondent.